To Spank or not to Spank?

Spanking used to be a given, it was part of culture. I was spanked a lot. Actually I was spanked lots and lots. I was spanked by my parents, grandparents, aunts, principle, and probably a few others along the way. I was spanked with belts, spoons, hands, sticks, hangers, and probably some other objects I don't recall. I say all of that without feeling like I was abused or unjustly punished. Sometimes I wonder if the spankings were in some way therapeutic for my parents. I deserved most of them. I only recall one time when I was spanked for something I didn't do. Still with all of that I wonder if spanking is all it's "cracked" up to be.

There have been studies done that say kids who are spanked are more aggressive. At first that might sound alarming, but it raises a couple of questions. First, is aggressiveness bad? I wonder if our culture has determined aggressiveness to be bad because our society has become a little wimpy in general. Second, were these kids aggressive because they were spanked or were they spanked because they were over aggressive? Perhaps we cannot answer that question, but I think it rightly casts some doubt about those studies. I am not sure these studies are very helpful.

I have two kids who are very, very different. My daughter has been spanked, but not frequently. We may have been able to raise her without spanking her because she is sensitive. Still the spanking is more of an emotional encounter with her. I may have spanked her a couple times where it hurt, the rest of the times it was almost symbolic. Most of the time she is crying before the spanking even starts. We have a hug and talk about what happened after the spanking is over. Wow, that doesn't sound abusive. My son is two. He has my personality (go back and read about my spankings). The other day I spanked him hard enough that my hand tingled just a little bit. It was enough to sting him just a touch. He didn't cry, he hardly flinched to be honest. He looked at me and laughed!! This has happened on a couple of occasions. Once I spanked him and he thought I was playing with him. Perhaps this is the best argument against spanking.

I may continue to spank my son on occasion, but my wife and I are exploring other discipline options that may be more effective. He doesn't like to sit still, so time outs might work. I never thought I would use time outs, but if it works it works.

Kids are different, they need different approaches. Maybe it is not whether spanking is right or wrong, but determining what works.